My Words

Raya's Camo

2009-12-28T11:19:00.001-05:00

Mom bought Raya a Camo sleeper to match Daddy's

Frist Christmas!

2009-12-28T10:35:00.003-05:00

Raya is 4 months old on Dec 26th. I cried when I realized she was already 4 months and had her first Christmas! Phil told me that she is supposed to grow, lol. I guess he is right. We really enjoyed being with our family. It was hard to say goodbye but it was nice to get home too. The drive is really long! I love all of our family and our time was priceless!

Is the spoon rest worth it?

2009-11-17T18:48:00.002-05:00

I was cleaning up my kitchen these last couple of times and I got to thinking...what is the purpose of the spoon rest on the stove? I have to wash it when I am done with it and if I am careful enough I do not have to wipe down the stove top. However, if I do not use the spoon rest I have to wipe down the stove top. Do you see where I am going? Either way I will have the same amount or more of cleaning. I am not completely decided, but I do think that I might be getting rid of my spoon rest.~Steph

Stuller's update

2009-11-16T20:27:00.000-05:00

Well there has been a lot going on since our last blog. We are now in Lexington, KY enjoying our new surroundings as best as we can being away from friends and family, along with everything else that we know. It definitely helps that this is God's direction for our life, and that the weather down here has been absolutely gorgeous. We hope to continue, especially on a more frequent basis. For now here are some photos and a video so you can see how quickly our daughter is growing.

Change of Pace

2009-10-05T16:44:00.002-04:00

I(Phil) have been having a tough past couple of weeks at the distribution center, for more then just one reason unfortunately. I have begun to learn that the leadership at Dollar General is not necessarily leadership...it is more of control through lies and half truths which in turn would inherently be a lie. It is an interesting thought to think about as I drive home every day and wonder what they think leadership should look like. If I followed their design of leadership and spoke to them as they do me or others I would be fired then and there. If I lied to get my way so that more work could get done at other people's cost, I would be fired then and there. So almost everyday I come to the thought of what true leadership looks like and how it should be implemented.

All of this comes to the forefront of my mind as I drive out through the gate and happily tell me wife I'm coming home, but the deep dark reason that it does is because I don't like to lied to, especially by another adult. For example two weeks ago I volunteered, now I know not to, to go help out another department who had people on vacation. As I volunteered I was told that it would be for one day, I'm okay with that, rather as I got done that day they informed me that I would reporting there for the next two weeks because I am going to be cross trained. After a quick discussion with that supervisor which revealed their initial lie just to get help, I was still required to do what they ask. So it baffles me that as I look at the "leadership" of this warehouse it makes me wonder how they see what they do as leadership, let alone helpful.

I am sorry that this blog has turned in to a drag and likely isn't as informative in to our life right now, but I just really wish that people would be honorable and "let their yes mean yes, and no mean no." Pray that I keep a strong Christian witness during this time of my life when it is appearing to be hardest. Thanks.

My "ME" time

2009-09-20T22:24:00.003-04:00

I feel like I have something profound to say but it is not coming out. I have been doing a lot of thinking (which is a big deal for me, Steph) Anyway, tonight was my first time away from the house without Raya and Phil, so I was alone. It was nice. I forgot how much I like/need to have my "me" time. I love my mom time too, but there is something about clearing your head with just a simple grocery list and a shopping cart. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like I can tackle another week of taking care of Raya and Phil and maybe do some extra stuff, like cook or something. When I shop like that my mind races with all the things I want to do: things like make chicken salad, send out thank you cards, send out thinking of you cards, call my Grandma, do a scrap book for Raya and join a women's Bible study. So here I am, my mind still racing and my two Dear Loves in bed sleeping.

I just want to say I am really thankful that I know Raya was in good hands with her dad. Phil does a great job with her and I did not worry about her at all, in fact I hardly thought about them while I was gone, except to find certain items for them. It may sound terrible to say that but hey, like I said before I need my "me" time.

I'm Tired

2009-09-14T17:16:00.004-04:00

Well today is the 14th day that I(Phil)have worked @ Dollar General as a general warehouse employee. Honestly it is hard, for many reasons, obviously because I was no longer used to a manual labor job, and they regularly require us to show up at 5am for work and then not get out until 4pm. Needless to say it is a brutal schedule and then wanting to help out the most I can with everything and Raya when I get home, but I have to get to bed by 8-9 if I want to even be able to function w/o having a whole pot of coffee in the morning, which wouldn't be conducive to the quota we are required to attain. I am tired from this schedule.

I mainly wanted to blog today about how different life is now, not necessarily with Raya at home and all because that is a given, rather the difference my personal walk with Jesus is right now. Working in an environment other than a church makes me remember even more how important my time with God is and the prayers that I am constantly saying at work. Life is different now because almost more importantly now than ever before is my personal character and life with God important because people at work are starting to realize that I don't cuss or end every sentence in F*#&, or talk about women in certain despicable ways that degrades the captivating beauty with which they were created. I find this great and while it is a lot of pressure it is also encouraging, because it not only means that God is evident in my life but there is a very specific person(s) that I am there at Dollar General.

Now I realize that if I blog and don't post a picture of Raya I will be in trouble with many people so I will give you a fun picture to look over.

My first post

2009-08-29T18:18:00.003-04:00

Well we are parents now as you well know. I have been experiencing some new emotions that I never thought I would...those of a mother. I am a mom now. It has never been real to me until now. I gave birth to this baby and I realized that she is my daughter! I am her mother and with that comes all sorts of emotion like pure joy, insecurity in making decisions, overwhelming sense of protection and attachment, boutiful . One thing I will never forget is the when I first realized I was the only one who could calm her from crying. I was wheeled up to the nursery window after having the C-Section, mostly out of it from the drugs, and the nurse through this little bundle into my arms. Our eyes met and we just knew who we were to each other. Family said she had been crying up until this moment. It was the first she settled down. It was a moment I will never forget.

One of many...

2009-08-28T19:59:00.002-04:00

Today has been a great day for both Raya and Steph. Yesterday the lactation consultant came in and was an amazing help and encouragement for both of us, but more importantly Stephanie. Her instructions and tips were very helpful and as of today, even the rest of yesterday, led to some very successful nursing times.

We are very thankful for all of the prayer and support that we have been getting from so many people that I would run out of space on my blog if I named them. The photographer came in today and had an opportunity to snap a few shots of our beautiful daughter. One of the many that was taken is up on the MGH website. Enjoy and we will share many more through our Facebook pages.

Phil, Steph & Raya

A new addition for the Stuller's

2009-08-26T21:39:00.004-04:00

Well I know that I just posted this morning but I have some great news from the Stuller family. It's hard to believe that my daughter went from this.

To this in such a short amount of time!!

She is one happy healthy baby girl born on August 26th 2009 @ 6:34pm, she weighed 6lbs. 10 oz. and measured at 20 inches of pure beauty. Thanks to everyone for all the support in prayer, and kind words.

Phil, Steph & Raya Nicole

Hospital and Inducing

2009-08-26T07:32:00.003-04:00

Well it is official that we are at the hospital here in Marion, IN as of last night at about 5:15pm. Steph had a doctors appointment yesterday late afternoon. At the appointment her blood pressure was unsafely elevated, approx. 160/100. Our doctor felt that it was safer due to Steph already being term to just induce labor, rather than risk Pre-Eclampsia. So...

After getting her to the hospital we were taken to a labor and delivery room, and informed of the procedures that were going to take place in the next few hours. Around 7:30pm or so Cervidil was given to Steph to help move along the process and soften her cervix. This was left on for the whole evening until about 5am.

Finally this morning Steph was put on Petocin to encourage her contractions to be more regular and healthy. This is good and bad, on one hand we are getting closer to meeting our little girl, but Steph's contractions are starting to hurt and be more regular. As you can tell by my horrible grammar this morning and sentence/paragraph structure I am tired as well. I got here right after 10 hours of work and only got about 4-5 hours of sleep, not good sleep by any means, because of the nurses coming in and out as needed, oh well though I have some great friends that blessed me with 2 4packs of double shots. Well nurse is in, got to go, keep us in your prayers.

Phil

Long time...restart...again

2009-08-22T17:53:00.005-04:00

Well today, after I started my new job this week at the Dollar General Distribution Center here in Marion, was my first Saturday off. The DC runs at 6 days a week because of the increase of customers shopping and discount stores due to the recession. So after getting 10 hours of sleep, we went for a walk and then decided to go get some Starbucks and go to the park in Marion. The weather today was amazing for this, with it feeling like the first day of fall. It called for my first Peppermint Mocha since February, easily.

At the Park we decided to walk around, taking some breaks because of Stephanie having contractions, obviously she's not in labor, but no baby yet, at least not outside of her. During our visit to the park I noticed some very out of place cement slabs that had been poured all over the park, and I couldn't figure out what their purpose was at those spots. A few minutes later I was reminiscing and talking about how Mater Park would be an amazing park for a Disc Golf course. Low and behold 3-5 minutes after that statement Stephanie pointed to something that looked odd to her.

A Disc Golf Basket!!!

I was so excited about this especially because I and my friends from college used to go at least 3 times a week while we were supposed to be in RA training and all that important stuff we were "required" to be at. A couple times our RD even went...probably shouldn't share that...oh well. But nonetheless I was extremely excited for something like this to be in Marion, IN. I will definitely be putting this to good use, and was glad to see many people already doing so, what a surprise.

On a side note while we were there and while Steph was resting I decided to take a quick picture of her for the fun of it, and boy is she gorgeous.

5 days from the due date!

I and Stephanie hope to be more regular with this Blog especially since we are going through so much excitement and so many changes. Keep us in your prayers.

$450 BILLION

2008-12-08T09:39:00.005-05:00

So I realize that it has been forever since I have posted anything my bad...oh well it is just a blog. Last night I preached a message about Christian Consumerism, that was especially focused at our spending habits and trends around the Christmas season. It was interesting and fun to talk about, more fun for me and interesting because some of the reactions on peoples faces when I would read statistics were priceless, jaw dropping kind of reactions. Here are some of those stats, most of which I borrowed from Rob Bell's new book Jesus Wants to Save Christians.

America controls nearly 20% of the worlds wealth, while only comprising 5% of the worlds population.

One billion people in the world lack access to clean water while Americans use 400-600 liters (105-157gallons) of water per day.

Every seven seconds, somewhere in the world a child under the age of five dies of hunger, meanwhile Americans throw away 14% of the food that we purchase.

40% of the people in the world lack basic sanitation while Americans dispose of 49 million diapers a day.

One in seven children (about 158 million) has to go to work each day to survive.

Americans spend more annually on trash bags than half of the world does on all goods.

A stat from Advent Conspiracy.

Americans spend $450 billion on Christmas.

Some more stats that I shared last night to show what $450 billion could accomplish.

Population of Earth Approx. 6 Billion

The majority of the world lives on $2/day

Approx. $60/month

If the every human made $2/day in a month that would be $360 billion.

THAT IS STILL LESS THAN WHAT AMERICANS SPENDS ON CHRISTMAS

$450 Billion would do what

It could...

Repair nearly 3.5 billion wells in the world @ $130/well

Drill over 128million wells subsequently providing clean water for 89 billion people year round.

Sponsor 1.25 billion children for a year

Sponsor 45 billion malnourished children in a feeding clinic for 3 months

Provide a cow for 900 million families, who then pass the offspring to another family

This year Steph and I decided to spend less on gifts and give our money where it could actually be used. So somewhere in the world, for $130, a well is going to be repaired providing a community with clean water, lowering the risk of disease and death because they have clean water. Interested? Check out World Hope International, Samaritans Purse, The Heifer Project, or you could go to your local shelter or mission and give them money to help them at one of their busiest times. As Americans and more importantly as Christ Followers we need to realize the futility of the gifts that we give and their uselessness and what that money could have been used for instead.

Resignation Letter

2008-10-19T17:47:00.003-04:00

I read this letter to the church congregation this morning @ 10:15...it wasn't easy.

Dear Church Family,

Over the past two and a half years here at Brookhaven Wesleyan Church we have struggled together, we have grown together, we have triumphed together, and we have worshiped together. In this time Stephanie and I have been more than welcomed by you, looking back it was something that she and I never expected being a new couple in ministry. Stephanie and I have cried with you and mourned the losses of loved ones, just as you have so recently with us.

We entered into this position 2 years ago with a great calling on our hearts to serve here, but also a calling for missions overseas. This is a calling that cannot be tossed to the wayside in our life. You have heard me speak on the importance of listening to the voice of God in our life and this is where His voice is calling. Our time here has been one of great love, and there are relationships that we formed here with this church family that we will never forget.

At this point He is calling me back to school to better equip me for the future ministry that he has intended for Stephanie and me. We will be moving to Deerfield, IL where Trinity Evangelical Divinity School is located, while there I will begin studying for my Master of Divinity and upon completion of that, move onto Doctoral studies. This is an emotional time for us, as we have never resigned from a church let alone moved to a completely new state where we know no one.

In light of this my ministry here will not end until the time I turn in my keys and we say our final goodbyes. Our goal for moving is tentatively set between April and July, all because we will have to sell our home and we do not know how soon it will sell. This is of course something that must be surrendered in prayer to God. We ask that as we make this transition and change in our life that you would join with us in prayer for a few issues. We would ask that you would pray for the selling of our house to go smoothly and quickly, pray also for the packing and moving process, pray also for job opportunities for Stephanie as we move to a new area, but most importantly pray that the Holy Spirit would be our guide and our leader in this endeavor, and that we would always heed his voice and not treat it as every other voice that we hear, but as sacred.

In Him,

Phil & Stephanie Stuller

Politics

2008-09-09T10:39:00.003-04:00

Recently things have been more annoying to me than anything ever before when it comes to politics. I don't exactly know what it is that makes this campaign drudgery seem worse than all the years before...maybe it is because I am more mature and have stronger beliefs than previous years, I don't know.

One thing I do know is that the most annoying thing of this election year is the way that the convictions of both candidates are being portrayed as wrong. I call them convictions because that is where our beliefs stem from in this world. I am so annoyed/outraged by the way that we go around and talk about our convictions like they are Gospel and everyone must follow the exact same path. Since when are the convictions of one person the convictions of a whole community, I wish I knew, because last I checked people didn't call Mother Teresa wrong for wanting to help the dying, orphaned and diseased in India because she didn't want to fight a war but rather live out an example of love and peace. At the same time nobody called Gen. Douglas Macarthur wrong when he promised to return and save the lives of the people in the Philippines because he would rather protect and provide safety he thought everyone deserved. We today aren't just calling another person’s conviction wrong; we paint them out to be the devil, how very interesting.

I recently read an article in Relevant Magazine that everyone should read. It is the article advertised on the front cover, called How to Vote without Losing Your Soul. To sum it up, but even though I do this you need to read it, the article talks with two Christian leaders of today and it is interesting that both of them come to the conclusion that we should vote for our convictions that God has placed on our heart. I'll leave it at that, for that is what I will do this year.

Ever want to own an island?

2008-07-29T14:34:00.002-04:00

Well here is your chance there apparently are hundreds of islands across the world trying to be sold. Johnny Depp bought his own island in the Caribbean (apparently fell in love with the area), and now he is turning it into every environmentalists dream. Take a gander, just make sure to buy me one.

Who said they were extinct

2008-07-22T09:54:00.003-04:00

I just saw this video after following a link from RelevantMagazine.com, it is pretty amazing. The video was taken at the LA Museum of Natural History. You just have to watch this. Crazy museum curators.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

2008-07-07T10:31:00.003-04:00

I don't know how many of you have ever heard of this movie, but I once watched the old black and white version with my dad when we lived in Kansas. He had the summer off from his other job and once and a while we would go to the library and get a movie and The Day the Earth Stood Still happened to be one of those movies. It was confusing and yet at the same time intriguing to me, and this summer is actually what likely started me loving movies, because I watched a lot with my dad.

Well now they are in the finishing stages of a remake of this classic movie, thankfully not in B&W. I literally just watched this Trailer. It looks like it is shaping up to be a great movie.

Life and Death

2008-07-07T09:58:00.002-04:00

Life is a very interesting "creature" when you sit back and think about the way God put this system in to place and in motion. Whenever I watch channels like Animal Planet or Discovery, I always get a good chuckle and find myself wondering why God named things the way he did. For example the Aardvark. First of all look at the animal, if you don't think that animal looks a little funny and a little weird all at the same time. If you don't think any of that don't worry about it I'm probably the weird one here (no comment needed).

Then look at humans and our lives, and our existence for that matter. I find it very peculiar the way our bodies are created and our continuing growth. At this point in her life my niece is having problems with her ankle bones and the way they are forming. Interestingly enough the doctors were able to take care of the problem by putting a cast on her leg that forces her ankle to be shaped a certain way. How crazy is that? God in his foresight knew that bones could be fixed at their early stages of development because they are still soft and somewhat pliable.

Something I have thought of before, but has recently been coming up even more in my thoughts. The way we die is very interesting. I wonder why our bodies must stop working the way they do. I have been the on-call chaplain at the hospital here in Marion multiple times, seeing a person die and leave this life. Why couldn't our death just be like Enoch's or Elisha's. I wonder what our deaths would have looked like without sin in the world. In all reality death, while painful, is a beautiful aspect of our existence in this life. No pain, no suffering, no sorrow in the arms of Christ. So why do we die the way we do?...

Onward

2008-07-01T09:12:00.002-04:00

Today is officially my first day back in the office after Steph's miscarriage. I don't really know what exactly to do here, granted today is a Food Pantry pick-up day so I just have to wait on people to come in and I get to hand out food. This is obvious but I am definitely getting back up to speed quicker than Steph is, this is not to say I don't care, it is just that I'm a guy and I didn't have to carry our child inside of me for 11 weeks only to bleed him/her all out in the bathroom.

Sometimes I wonder if my life being shaped so significantly by my dad's death when I was 14 was a hindrance more than a help for me and those around me. I not only have a bit of a callous over my heart because I have seen death firsthand and continue to see it as volunteer chaplain at MGH, but deep down inside of me things like this don't hurt like they used to 10 years ago. This being my child that has died, I am in a completely different situation than ever before in my life. There was nothing I could fix, nothing I could figure out what went wrong, nothing I could do to change any of this.

John Eldredge wrote a book called Waking the Dead, I haven't actually read all of this book yet, but desire too soon. I receive on a daily basis emails from Eldredge's Ransomed Heart Ministry, and one of the quoted this book and here is what I read.

The mind takes in and processes information. But it remains, for the most part, indifferent. It is your mind that tells you it is now 2:00 A.M. and your daughter has not returned, for the car is not in the driveway. Your heart wrestles with whether or not this is cause for worry. The heart lives in the far more bloody and magnificent realities of living and dying and loving and hating. That’s why those who live from their minds are detached from life. Things don’t seem to touch them very much; they puzzle at the way others are so affected by life, and they conclude others are emotional and unstable. Meanwhile, those who live from the heart find those who live from the mind . . . unavailable. Yes, they are physically present. So is your computer. This is the sorrow of many marriages, and the number one disappointment of children who feel entirely missed or misunderstood by their parents.

Yes, the heart is the source of our emotions. But we have equated the heart with emotion, and put it away for a messy and even dangerous guide. No doubt, many people have made a wreck of their lives by following an emotion without stopping to consider whether it was a good idea to do so. Neither adultery nor murder is a rational act. But equating the heart with emotion is the same nonsense as saying that love is a feeling. Surely, we know that love is more than feeling loving; for if Christ had followed his emotions, he would not have gone to the cross for us. Like any man would have been, he was afraid; in fact, he knew that the sins of the world would be laid upon him, and so he had even greater cause for hesitation (Mark 14:32–35). But in the hour of his greatest trial, his love overcame his fear of what loving would cost him.

Emotions are the voice of the heart, to borrow Chip Dodd’s phrase. Not the heart, but its voice.

Waking the Dead , 41-42)

Pain, Suffering, Confusion and all the other emotions

2008-06-27T13:57:00.003-04:00

Weird title huh? Well I have had the week of my life that I never saw coming. I volunteered my time down at the Campgrounds for Sr. High camp this week as night security from 3am to 7am, and then whatever else they needed. Needless to say that completely wore me out and made me feel 30 years older overnight.

Another event going on was even more tiring. This week we went to the doctor to hear the heartbeat of our child growing in Steph. We were both extremely excited about this and exhausted because of the anticipation. While there they were unable to find the heartbeat, which was not uncommon for only being 10 weeks almost 11. That being the case the doc wanted to perform an ultrasound on Steph (both external and internal). Sadly he wasn't able to find any sign of our child. Today it was made official that Stephanie's body is in the process of a miscarriage. We would really covet your prayers at this time for what we are going through. The worse part about this is not being able to know what caused it and how to avoid this in the future. It is very interesting how important closure appears to feel.

At the same time we are comforted by the fact that our little child (he/she) is in Heaven with no pain, no bruises, hurts, sorrow. This is something I was so looking forward to in my life, to be a father and raise a child. I am so sad

Father's Day

2008-06-16T13:48:00.002-04:00

How typical of me to post about Father's Day the day after. How typical. Rather than you thinking that this is a post about what happened and how happy I was on Father's Day, well this isn't. This also isn't my attempt at bashing everybody that did post about what they did on Father's Day.
Honestly this being my "first" Father's Day (yes if you didn't now Stephanie and I are expecting a child on or around Jan. 15th 2009, she is doing great as possible with all the tiredness and nausea) I wasn't all that excited about this day. I'm not exactly the most sentimental person in the world, surprise, surprise. I really don't like the attention or recognition for something that should be expected from a man, especially a Christian man. Yet it would have almost felt wrong to stand up when the fathers were applauded.

Maybe there is more to this. As I sat there and applauded all the fathers that were there I wondered if I actually should have stood up for a couple of reasons. One because I technically am a father, my child has not been born yet, but I believe is actually alive and has a beating heart and has been alive since conception whenever that really was. Two because of that fact that my child is alive and growing and causing Steph to be extremely tired at all hours of the day, does my not standing make it look like I don't believe my child is alive. The conclusions that I have come to could be boiled all down to one phrase that is almost a motto for me and I say to a lot of people, "It doesn't matter what people think of me". Maybe you think that is harsh but I don't, nonetheless I don't really know 100% why I didn't stand up.

In reality it could have very well been that I doubt whether or not I am even enough of a man to raise a boy in to a man, let alone a girl in to a woman. I realize all the lovey dovey cliches we have like God equips the called, and God wouldn't allow us to be tested beyond our strength. Well that is all well and good but it doesn't change the fact that I haven't had a father for the past 10 years this September, and I don't have that guidance from him that would be so amazing to have especially at this time in my life. So why didn't I stand up?

Relevant Podcast

2008-06-04T10:24:00.003-04:00

If any of you know me I am an avid reader of Relevant Magazine, as well as a dedicated listener to their podcast. How fascinating? Every week on the podcast they have a segment called Editorial question of the week. On the May 23rd episode they asked for people to write in about past movies that would be great to have another sequel for, so I wrote in and if you want to hear what I emailed in listen to the May 30th Podcast at about 49:40 into the podcast, or 7:12 left in the podcast. Enjoy. If you don't have iTunes you could listen at Relevant's website.

Peace by way of war...

2008-06-02T10:36:00.004-04:00

We had a great Memorial Day weekend. We were able to head up to Holland, MI and spend some time with family, relax, Steph shopped of course, and we also went to a wedding of a good friend. While we were there we of course went to church and of course this is exactly what this post is about...would you expect anything else from me?

First off before I say anything else let me say this. I am in full support of our troops even though I don't completely agree with what is going on overseas. Nonetheless I support them, I have many friends in the service, a best friend from high school, a cousin, and my father was in the Navy. I have no problem with caring for, supporting through prayer and helping our troops in any way that I could. Some people might mark me as a pacifist wimp, and a few years ago I would have told them to come and say it to my face, but things have changed inside of me. Although I still have a fighting streak in me.

...Back to church.

Whenever we are up there we attend my wife's former home church, Central Wesleyan. I almost always enjoy this churches services it is a great time for me to relax go to church and actually worship without having to work. Well this time it was even harder than usual for me to sit through service. It of course was Memorial day weekend and as with 99% of churches in America they honored the veterans and prayed for the deceased soldiers of past and present wars. I really like that, especially being that both of my grandfathers were in WWII, and my father and uncles in Vietnam.

What I don't like is what happened next. After honoring the soldiers and veterans the service moved right in to Praise and Worship. The very first song that we sang was about God's Love and Mercy for us and the world. Next was a song that I don't remember the name, but the song was about God's strength and how He is coming with a Sword and shield with Judgment. Now I realize that God ordained wars in this world during the time of Moses, Joshua, David and many other leaders of Israel. I have a problem with us singing songs like this especially on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, this has the problem of conjuring up the ideas that the Wesleyan Church supports war and destruction, when in reality and historically we were peaceful and passive. If we weren't then likely there would have been a lot of killing during the years when we fought against slavery and then even more during the prohibition.

I really struggle with our Christianity especially when it comes down to God, love and war. How much of a misunderstand of Christ's mission is this. We are to be a community of believers dedicated to love. Biblically the word Christ used in John 15:10 while speaking about love was the word Agape, many other times Christ uses the word Agapao when speaking to the disciples about love of each other. More importantly is the meaning of Agape, it is not only love, but one of sacrifice, not only out of charity; while agapao is a deeper and more radical love. SO...what are we supposed to do about this, we come to church and pray and support our troops which is all great and lovely (something of which I wonder how became a tradition?!), but when we walk our Christian lives with two faces, speaking of love and charity of mankind willing to give everything we have because we love to help people but then, we feel it necessary to go and blow someones head off. Out of Love? Derek Webb has a song on his Mockingbird Album, My Enemies are men Like me. There is a great couple of lines in this song, words that really should make you think.

Peace by way of war
Is like purity by way of fornication
It’s like telling someone murder is wrong
And then showing them by way of execution

So as I see it, as a body of Christian believers we have a big question to answer here, while we recognize that God did ordain wars 3,000 years ago, he did it out of love and a desire for mankind to know Him. We cannot ignore Jesus' words in the New Testament, and his desire to draw all people's unto Him.

Love Excluding Sin...

2008-05-20T08:38:00.003-04:00

Recently I was required to do some reading and writing that had to deal with lots of history and theology of the Wesleyan church. All of this for the purpose of my upcoming ordination in July, assuming that I don't enrage the interview board. During this reading I came across something that was rather interesting to me and bothered me at the same time. While reading the section of the discipline on the history of the Wesleyan church I came across this statement.

"The first national camp meeting, which developed into the National Holiness Association, was held in 1867. The revival led to the establishment of several new holiness denominations and to
the renewing and redirecting of others. This spiritual revival, promoted vigorously by a corps of itinerant evangelists, soon established holiness as the major tenet of the Wesleyan Methodist Connection, which had formerly majored on social and political reform."

You are probably wondering what's wrong with this statement. Well if you didn't catch it the quote states that the Wesleyan church after a revival moved it's focus from Social Justices and Political Reform to Holiness Evangelism.
The problem that I have with this might be pretty straight forward if you know me, but why in the world would we or how could we change our focus from social injustices and political reform to Holiness Evangelism. Now I am not saying that Holiness is a bad thing or something to be shoved off to the side. I plainly believe that when this happened the point of Scripture was missed and became incomplete in our Wesleyan minds. John Wesley himself said Holiness is, "Love excluding sin...Love filling up the heart and taking up the whole capacity of the soul...For as long as love takes up the whole heart, what room is there for sin therein." Not only did Wesley describe Holiness as this, but in Scripture we see Jesus describe the two greatest commandments as this, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."
Did you catch that? Not only is Holiness loving God with all that we are, but "equally important" is our love for our neighbor. Realize that in this world we were put here to be an advocate for God and not only that a believer above reproach, but we were not put here to only concentrate on our Holiness or our time of devotions. Our life as believers is meant to be lived out in this world and in front of people to be an example of the love of Christ, not a picture of a Holier than Thou God that strikes those that aren't Holy.
Maybe I am too critical about the words that I read but I truly believe that while Holiness is important, I believe that we concentrate on it too much and have missed the point of Jesus putting us where we are in this world to speak love in to the lives of those that we come in contact with everyday. Maybe I need a vacation.

Music

2008-04-29T10:17:00.002-04:00

I'm the kind of person that really loves to listen to music, performing is definitely not my thing, thankfully, I would likely be shunned if people heard my voice. Anyway, lately I have been listening to a lot of harder Christian Rock, what most people would say can't be Christian because they don't sound like Michael W. Smith, or The Gaithers, and they don't have a suit and tie on. Or my pet peeve is "they don't preserve their bodies as God's temple" because they have tattoos, and supposedly that is in the Bible somewhere, or the greatest is that because they are screaming or sound angry they can't be glorifying or worshiping God. Read the Bible God himself gets so outrageously angry with mankind. Enough venting. Here are the lyrics to a song that I have been listening to quite a bit, and I really love it. Here are the lyrics, and here is the link to their myspace page which has the song for you to listen as you read. Enjoy.

Preaching

2008-04-21T12:18:00.002-04:00

You know I love to preach and love to share some of the knowledge that I glean from Scripture throughout my studies during the week. I have preached some real doozies and I have also preached some easier messages. There are times that I wonder if preaching is what I am actually supposed to be doing for my ministry. A lot of this could be the devil, but at the same time I wonder that even though I love to preach, I am not that great of a communicator. There are also times when I just want to get up and preach until my voice fails and not care at all what people would say or think about the things I would say knowing full well that they are from Scripture in my heart.
There is one inherent problem with preaching, whether it be on a regular basis or more of a spread out schedule. When I preach I always feel more of a disconnect that is built up between me and the people that I am trying to teach/preach to. I have noticed this with other preachers too, and especially remember this in my father. Sometimes I don't wonder if the strong desire of preaching a message to challenge people, at the very same time pushes some away. It is also very possible the people that are feeling challenged by God through the preacher a disconnect of, lets say conviction forms for whatever reason.
I don't believe this is a new problem that I am experiencing. Looking back through all the people that have been preachers/priest/prophets/disciples/more importantly Jesus, they all went through dealing with issues that appear to relate to what I am feeling. Moses felt this with his very own sister and brother. Prophets on countless occasions were persecuted for what they were saying FOR GOD by their own people. Jesus was ridiculed, and rejected by the very people that likely helped raise him in Nazareth, due to the closeness of their culture.
So maybe my problem isn't actually a problem necessarily. I wonder in some form or another if a closeness to people can be hindering in a sense. Only in the way that it would stop a minister from actually speaking God's word in fear of hurting feelings, or actually causing conviction to become an issue for people.

Crazy

2008-03-26T11:02:00.005-04:00

So I have heard of some crazy amusement park rides and been on some crazy ones myself, but this video takes the cake. WOW

Here is the link

ever wanted to mow your own roof?!

2008-03-14T09:34:00.001-04:00

Your probably wondering what in the world I'm talking about, but if you click here you will see quite quickly. I find this absolutely amazing and a great way to limit a buildings impact on the air & atmosphere. Enjoy

Neat Site

2008-03-11T11:29:00.002-04:00

recently found this website called Readprint.com. If you like to read and especially for free go check it out.

Doomsday Vault

2008-02-26T08:56:00.002-05:00

Watching the news this morning I caught something that seemed to be out of a movie or the sequel to Day After Tomorrow. The news snippet was about an alliance of science and engineering craziness to one day save our mankind. It is actually quite amazing and at the same time a little silly.

The article can be found here, but the basic idea behind all of this is to collect the seeds of plants from all around the world and preserve them so that they may be reused in the supposed imminent destruction of mankind or just plants. Either way it is pretty impressive they dug 130 yards into the side of a mountain in the Arctic Circle to preserve and protect these seeds. The bunker/vault is supposed to be nuclear attack safe, and bunker busting bomb safe. A magnitude 6 earth quake has already tested it and didn't even displace any of the frost or ice in the bunker!! Maybe we should send a thank you note to thank all the people involved for saving our existence?! Or not.

Want to save space and water in your bathroom?

2008-02-20T09:43:00.004-05:00

Well not many people are probably going to jump at this option, but those families in drought stricken areas of the world sure would love to have a toilet like this in their bathroom. Whenever the toilet is flushed the faucet on top serves as the water source to fill the tank, and also giving the user the opportunity to wash their hands, thereby saving water by basically double use!!

The Air Car?!

2008-02-18T10:38:00.002-05:00

So at this point you are probably wondering what in the world I am talking about. It is actually real and not something from a Sci-fi movie. If you want to know more watch a 9 minute video, here or here

This is a very revolutionary idea and pretty sweet at the same time, although I likely would never fit into one!! The car has many different models meaning hybrid or just compressed air, the compressed air model has a range of 125 mile with 68 mph top speed, refills in like 3 minutes to 4 hours depending on whether using a filling station compressor or plugging into an electrical socket. Insane.

The Bucket List (review)

2008-02-13T10:23:00.002-05:00

This movie had me all excited about going to see it at the theatre. I had very high expectations for this movie, first because of the quality of the lead actors brought together for this movie, and then second the very creative idea behind the flick.

Starting out Morgan Freeman, who I didn’t know had a great narrating voice, tells the ending which also happens to be the beginning of the story. I somewhat expected the movie to be a big tear jerker that would depress me for the rest of the night. Little did I know that this was going to be a movie interlaced with uproarious laughter, and then gut wrenching sorrow.

It begins quickly with both Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman getting test results back from the doctor with a very devastating diagnosis. The true premise of the story comes out when both men realize their ultimate end is soon to come, thus driving them to write and complete a “Bucket List”.

From this point on there is a slew of laughter and somber moments. During the whole movie I really felt like I was watching two men try and forget about their cancer and ultimately their death. This was the amazing balance that brings this movie to life. You have two men both with the same end, one with all the money and the other with extreme passionate dream to see the top of the Himalayan Mountains.

Being strangers before they even decided to go on their jaunt around the world, the two men have their personality differences, both moral and spiritual. There are some great conversations and lines in this movie that will make you think about the impact that you have on others while you are alive. The movie definitely hinted at Christianity and truly showed the beliefs and moral/spiritual backing the Morgan Freeman has in the movie.

I would highly recommend this movie mainly for it’s depiction of the extreme change of Nicholson from his depressed and disgustingly rude attitude, to a person that has “found that joy” in his life, and the life questions that it raises to the viewer.

Niagara Falls

2008-02-04T14:37:00.000-05:00

Recently Stephanie and I took a very spontaneous and random trip...extremely spontaneous for her. Thankfully we had a day off together this past week and decided on Wednesday Jan. 30th @ 11:30pm to go to Niagara Falls, and we got there at about 9 in the morning on Thursday. It was absolutely amazing and fun something we will never forget.

What is more important?

2008-02-04T09:28:00.000-05:00

I have one thing to ask. What is more important safety or helping someone? I read this article that made me think about this question myself...now it's your turn. Read here

Stupid

2008-01-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

One thing that I am really good at is having a routine...as are most people. Well today part of my routine always involves checking my email as I sit down at my desk. Not only did I get an exorbitant amount of emails, but one of them was as retarded as I have ever seen it.

I am the lucky one today because I one the Toyota Car Lottery of 2008. All they need is my contact information...wow how great is this. Anyway the stupidity behind this is that Toyota is a Japanese corporation. While the supposed prize that I was selected for out of millions of others is being given out in British Pounds Sterling 600,000 to be exact (almost 1.2 million dollars), why in the world would Toyota give out the prize in British Pounds, this guy should have read the idiots guide to scamming people. So if this dope would have been thinking and realized that Toyota wasn't based out of the UK he might actually have a better chance of stealing some money...but you know when you get desperate you get stupid. WOW

Merry Christmas

2007-12-19T13:44:00.001-05:00

I would just like to take time to say Merry Christmas to everyone. I will not be blogging for the next couple of weeks (big surprise, huh) because I will be suffering down in Florida as I help at a youth conference, and take some nice vacation time. Nonetheless have a great Christmas and New Year.

The Golden Compass (Movie)

2007-12-10T09:45:00.000-05:00

So, just on Friday I had the opportunity to see The Golden Compass at the theater here in Marion, IN. To my liking there were no signs of a boycott or angry maliciousness from moviegoers. All in all it was a good experience.

As far as the movie goes it was a great movie for entertainment. I had a friend come along with me that discussed some of it afterwards, which was quite enjoyable. The movie though was done very well with the graphics, acting, and making it an entertaining movie. As suspected they attempted to hide/take out/water down, the religious elements of this movie. Although they tried they must not have tried very hard, with all the publicity about the religious nature of this story an infant could have picked up on the religious undertones of this movie.

The story line followed the book fairly well, except the movie ran along so quickly that it seemed they tried to cram everything into the film that it was like running for 2 hours at a full sprint. The ending was very strategic, for in the book the ending is where Lyra finds out the true intentions of her father and the "Dust" where she decides to make sure that the dust is open and good for everyone, in the movie this was left out. If you thought this was bad the next two movies in this trilogy are going to be even more subversive than the first.

Overall an entertaining movie, it was very subtle and very much geared for kids to be interested. Albeit the books were written for adolescents the movie was blatant in this for the obvious main character being a young girl, and the vast majority of her supporting cast being children and their "daemons", which usually were cute little fuzzy creatures. The movie has some obvious religious elements that are there and if you don't pick up on them then you might want to watch it again after you read your Bible. Ultimately this movie will draw kids to the books and when that happens they have great potential to confuse them and possibly lead them astray. This potential is even greater now that The Golden Compass topped the Box Office charts @ $26 million. I wouldn't spend the money to go see this again, but was glad I did.

Nonetheless this doesn't give us as Christians the right to be attacking Pullman's integrity or his views. Yes they may be wrong and yes they may confuse some of our kids. Rather than attacking him, why not sit down and read the Bible with your kids, teach them, lead them to God's throne. Allow Scripture to sink into their hearts and have that help them make decisions.

The Golden Compass (attempted review)

2007-11-26T14:19:00.000-05:00

It is official; I have finished reading The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman. I will attempt to give a fair review of this book but at the end I will give what I truly think about this book and all the craziness it has cultivated among Christians. I will attempt to give what may seem to be two reviews, (1) as a reader, (2) as a Christian.

(1) This book is written for young adolescents, as this is how the local library had it listed in their directory. I was thoroughly pleased with Pullman’s writing and the descriptions that he gave of the events taking place in the life of Lyra, the main character. The story is based in a world that is “much like ours,” as Pullman says. The main plot of this book is based around Lyra’s adventures, and her discovery of what ‘dust’ is.

The dust is what spurred on most if not all of the events in this book. The dust is something that can be seen through a special camera lens, looking like little light particles resting around a person. In this world the “Church” is the ruler of the world and controls the coming and going of everyone, except for the bears and witches. This dust is something that the church is so utterly afraid of and conspires to eliminate it from the world. Done so by separating a child from its Daemon, a shape shifting creature that follows the children and express many of the emotions and expressions of the child by changing into different animals, which could easily be compared to the soul of the people in this world given to them by God.

The story is weaved so carefully and intricately around the dust that it drives the reader through page after page seeking to answer the question. “What is dust?” Pullman uses that so well throughout the book that it isn’t truly revealed until the last three chapters. The story was done so well that I liked reading it and getting engrossed in to the story of Lyra and the Dust. The ending was done extremely well and set the reader up for the next book superbly. I will eventually read the next two, in time.

(2) This is the part where my true being comes out. While this book is a great and easy read, there are some qualms that I have with what is portrayed in this book. Realize this that while I read the book, I do not and will not agree with Pullman, and at the same time I am not purporting a boycott of any of his materials (books, short stories, movies, etc.). I am merely giving you my view from what I have read.

Pullman is not as clear in putting his view of God out there as I had expected but nonetheless his philosophies do emanate from his writing. What he is very clear at is his portrayal of the church, and it is obvious that there is some angst toward “organized religion”. From the beginning of the story all the way to the end the story portrays the church as the bad guy or the antagonist. Pullman describes the church in such a way that reminded me of the church during the Crusades, where it was a know all, do all, approve all type of organization. This is obviously not the “true” church as we know it, and this portrayal could potentially be very confusing. Mainly his view of the church through this book is that it is manipulative and corrupt; it is a church that is run more like the central government of a country rather than a ministry, which tends to be very confusing and off the wall.

The other issue I have is this dust that Pullman describes as original sin. His idea is that this dust only collects/falls on a person when they reach adulthood, and then right on the last few pages Lyra the protagonist of the story decides that she wants to stop the church from eliminating the dust and make it freely open to everyone of every age. The issue here is that one original sin is on us at the time of birth into this world; something that we have inherited directly from Adam & Eve, a problem also with his view is that he uses inserts of Scripture but adds his own words to fit the story. He then willingly puts the idea on the page for the reader that original sin is not a bad issue in a person’s life.

Ultimately Pullman is a claimed Atheist and one that deeply despises Organized Religion; he is quoted on his website saying this about God and organized religion.

I don't know whether there's a God or not. Nobody does, no matter what they say. I think it's perfectly possible to explain how the universe came about without bringing God into it, but I don't know everything, and there may well be a God somewhere, hiding away.

Actually, if he is keeping out of sight, it's because he's ashamed of his followers and all the cruelty and ignorance they're responsible for promoting in his name. If I were him, I'd want nothing to do with them. (philippullman.com)

The man is against the church and against God; his books could potentially be confusing for a young mind. I would strongly recommend that as parents not letting your kids read these books unless you are ready to combat it with some good teaching. As for the movie, I really don’t know what to tell you about that I haven’t seen it yet (obviously), but boycotting and cursing this man is not going to accomplish anything at all except bolster his view of Christians. You just need to ask yourself is this movie going to be worse in spiritual content, than Evan Almighty (that had some major Biblical issues), or maybe even the DaVinci code (which was always claimed as fiction). You all know your children better than I do, but you can’t always protect them from everything there needs to be some opportunistic teaching in kids lives, don’t just let the children’s pastor do all the work for you.

Ridiculous

2007-11-13T09:21:00.000-05:00

So recently there has been a lot of craziness going around about an upcoming movie, no I'm not talking about Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. The movie is The Golden Compass, trailer here, a movie taken from a book trilogy, of which only the first is published. These books are written for adolescents, and the first is catching a lot of flak from many a evangelical.

I will give them this, Phillip Pullman is an atheist that claims to hate The Chronicles of Narnia. After this news started to spread some people gained an interest in his book, but not to read, rather to find a problem in it and crucify the man for his writings. Many have said that his book portrays the killing of God. Desiring it see what everything is all about and this craziness that is being caused by leaders of the church I went and picked up the book at the local library. Now being almost 200 pages into a 389 page book I have found no idea of killing God. There are some references to the church and it's power over the people. Basically what I'm trying to say is that we are being a little ridiculous about this, we complain that this man hates Narnia, yet we let our kids watch all of these magic shows with eastern mysticism engulfing our children's mind, we complain about Bush and the war and all the death, yet in his place we would put someone that would legalize and encourage abortion; that all seems a little backwards. We complain about problems and let another slip right under our nose and ignore it. With these books would it be better to tell our kids that this man is a God hating heathen that might burn in the fires of hell, or would it be better to go through this with them and prove to them the wrong in this book if there be any, because after 200 pages I have found none. Here is another article that brings about the same idea feelings just likely more eloquently. There will be somewhat of a review after I finish the book.

Hopefully you realize that this is more of an opportunity than a time to crucify someone about their views, we should be praying for God to send someone into Mr. Pullman's life to share truly what God is about.

25 Questions for Mary

2007-11-08T11:07:00.000-05:00

These are from Max Lucado's book God Came Near. I found them very interesting and thought provoking and really brought back to my mind how real and how much of a man Jesus was at the same time as being God.

1. What was it like watching him pray?
2. How did he respond when he saw other kids giggling during the service at the synagogue?
3. When he saw a rainbow, did he ever mention a flood?
4. Did you ever feel awkward teaching him how he created the world?
5. When he saw a lamb being led to the slaughter, did he act differently?
6. Did you ever see him with a distant look on his face as if he were listening to someone you couldn't hear?
7. How did he act at funerals?
8. Did the thought ever occur to you that the God to whom you were praying was asleep under your own roof?
9. Did you ever try to count the stars with him....and succeed?
10. Did he ever come home with a black eye?
11. How did he act when he got his first haircut?
12. Did he have any friend by the name of Judas?
13. Did he do well in school?
14. Did you ever scold him?
15. Did he ever have to ask a question about Scripture?
16. What do you think he thought when he saw a prostitute offering to the highest bidder the body he made?
17. Did he ever get angry when someone was dishonest with him?
18. did you ever catch him pensively looking at the flesh on his own arm while holding a clod of dirt?
19. Did he ever wake up afraid?
20. Who was hi best friend?
21. When someone referred to Satan, how did he act?
22. Did you ever accidentally call him Father?
23. What did he and his cousin John talk about as kids?
24. Did his brothers and sisters understand what was happening?
25. Did you ever think, That's God eating my soup?

Enjoy, just thought I would share these with you all, have a great weekend.

State Rankings

2007-10-23T09:43:00.000-04:00

By far I am not the most environmental person on the planet, but I try and reform my ways so that I don't trash the world around me. Recently I came across a website that has rankings for states and their "green" or not so "green" air, water and carbon footprint. This is pretty interesting because of the continued attempts by people to be more environmental and "green", also because just recently the Wesleyan Life magazine published an article, which can be found here, that really looks into the issue of taking care of the environment and creation and where the Wesleyan Church really stands on this issue. Here then is the website that has all of the 50 states ranked and even some of them have a link with an explanation about the ranking and what is good or bad in each state. Enjoy.

I must be old

2007-10-15T08:57:00.001-04:00

Just last week I had a great opportunity to do something that I had been missing out on for at least 3 years if not more. A great friend of my moved back into Marion. (probably because he missed me) It has truly been a great thing seeing him as much as I do, but one of the greatest things so far has been the opportunity to go Disc Golfing, or as we affectionately call it "Tossing the Bee", out at Mississinewa Reservoir.
This was a past time of ours and the rest of our college RA staff my Junior year @ IWU. The great part about this story is I'm a whole lot better at this type of Golf rather than traditional golf. While there I was flooded with some great memories of all the times that we came out to get away from campus and RA training. In fact one week alone we went out there five times at least cramming six sometimes seven people in to a 5 passenger car. That was always interesting. Not to mention the times that people walked out in front of the group and got hit by a disc.
Remembering times like that makes me feel a little old and crazy at times. Then I remember all the great times that we had out there and don't feel so crazy anymore.

I'm Tired

2007-10-08T09:52:00.001-04:00

This past Sunday was a rarity. I had the opportunity to preach on a Sunday morning, something which has only happened 3 times now. I always enjoy it but am also glad that I don't do this every week. That could be summed up as the joy of being a Staff Pastor. This Sunday was a little different. About 2-3 months of planning and writing went into this sermon, and getting insight from other pastors and friends about the things I was saying and how I was going to say it with tact.
This wasn't only a risky message and very direct, it was one of those messages that after being preached the reaction from the congregation could go one of two ways, horrified and angry or appreciative and glad for the message that was preached, thankfully it was the latter. If you didn't know what was so special about yesterday from any other Sunday, don't feel bad. All across the nation yesterday it was National Porn Sunday. A day dedicated to preaching out against porn and the subsequent addictions, and also the affects on families and life in general that porn has on a person.
It was by far the most tiring and stressful messages that I have ever preached in my short experience with preaching. Oddly enough I was tired throughout the rest of the day and couldn't concentrate on a single thing that was put in front of me, I was essentially in cruise control for the rest of the day. Thank the Lord He carried me through that day and sermon, along with my wife who played a huge part in the preaching of this message. All in all it had to be God carrying us through this because Stephanie hates speaking in front of people but she did an amazing job of presenting her points and guidelines.

If at all you are interested in listening it can be found here

Something Interesting

2007-09-18T09:26:00.000-04:00

Ran across something that really piqued my interest. Those of you that know me won't be too surprised that it is about movies and lots of them. A little background on the link I am going to put on here. A story came out on multiple reliable websites is that there will be a strike hitting the screen actors guild unless things get straightened out, and quick. What does this mean well it is direly important for studios and movie moguls that want to get movies out by next summer and even in the fall of 2008. A couple of these movies that have been put on a "fast track" to be filmed, The Silver Chair, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

Those are just two of the movies on the list there are multiple movies on there (i mean nearing 100 if not more). This means that we will likely be inundated by movies releases, previews, commercials and tons of interviews with Matt Lauer, to me this is kind of exciting. Hopefully this won't mean that these movies will be done sub-par because of the big rush (especially the two listed). Click here for the website.

Lions Overcome Adversity; Take OT Win

2007-09-17T09:39:00.000-04:00

It happened again, believe it or not. I honestly can't remember the last time this happened, I mean 2 wins, in the same year, come on. Who are these guys?

2007-09-14T10:26:00.000-04:00

Did you See by Carl Wunsch

Did you see the mud-staind, fly-infested man

Babeling quietly by the wall?

Did you see the hardened, youthful menace

Glaring out at the world with hate filled eyes?

Did you see the strungout, poisoned addict

Shaking, pleading for a chemical assist?

Did you see the rail-thin young man

Pleading for a cure, through tear stained eyes?

Did you see the painted, street-corner maniquine

Asking everyone about a “good time”?

Did you see the little boy with bloated belly

Watching the world with empty eyes?

Did you see the pillar of your community

Staring at the forbidden, late into the night?

Did you see ...

And just stroll by with irritated eyes?

Lions Finish Strong to Beat Raiders 36-21

2007-09-10T09:13:00.000-04:00

Thats the title from the Lions fan site, I just have to share my sheer excitement that they actually won a game this early in the season, even though it did come over the Raiders. So this might not have actually counted as a win, per say. I'll just let the score books prove this one. Apparently they learned to tackle too.

Jerry

2007-09-10T08:53:00.000-04:00

About every two months or so I go down to the county rescue mission in downtown Marion, and preach for the evening service. This time was a little different because instead of just 5 or 6 guys there, we had nearly 30 guys that attended that night. This is good and bad all at the same time because it shows that there are "at least" this many families living in poverty (but obviously more), on the good side is that they are on a regular basis having the Gospel taught to them and given choices that pertain to their soul's well being.

The day after I was back down at the Mission picking up some things for our food pantry, joking around with the guys and picking on a few of them trying to build a relationship in whatever way I possibly could. While there I met a man by the name of Jerry, a very kind man, humble and affable, not exactly who we would generally think of living at the mission. Well as I was getting ready to leave Jerry approached me and asked if I would remember him in my prayers because he had sinned, and he needed forgiveness for what he did. I of course prayed with him and had a quick talk about what had happened and tried to encourage him.

On the way back to the church I continued to think about what he had asked me to do. He wanted me to pray for his forgiveness! I then proceeded to think about whether God would forgive another person through my prayers. There is also the problem that Jerry seems to have because of the corrupted nature we have that it makes us feel like we are closed off from God and not able to carry anything to Him. So many things that get in our way, and oddly enough the night before I had talked exactly about taking our cares, concerns, problems, anger, sin, everything to Jesus.

Sabbath Reality

2007-08-31T09:24:00.000-04:00

When it comes to being a pastor there are many gray areas and oddities that if looked at with a microscope would make a pastor out to be a rule "breaker" if not "bender". Specifically speaking, a pastor does not receive the same opportunity on Sunday to corporately observe Sabbath. Obviously the Pastor is the one taking care of last minute preparations, making sure the ushers are on the same page, the sound is taken care of, all announcements are made and many other duties that all just happen to appear 5 minutes before service. So what is a pastor supposed to do when it comes down to observing a Sabbath day of rest.
I have a friend that is a bi-vocational pastor, technically tri-vocational, at a small independent church here in Indiana. We meet every other week to encourage each other and hopefully sharpen each other spiritually. When it comes down to it he is regularly tired and worn out frustrated because he can't spend more time for the church. So what is his Sabbath like, well he never truly has a day when he is not working. He balances his week between his three different obligations, while making time to study for a sermon, visit people, make necessary calls, and Saturday is usually (except in rare cases) when he writes his sermon, because there is no time during the week to do otherwise. Sunday than is like any other pastor of a small church you have known, he teaches Sunday School,Preaches and greets. So where is his Sabbath? What is a Pastor supposed to do?
In Mark 2 Jesus is seen walking with the disciples through a field, as they do so they casually reach down and pull the grain from the plants of the field. Of course the Pharisees are watching every move they make and approach in an accusatory tone and attempt to condemn the actions of Jesus and the disciples. These words sum up the thought of this passage, "Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." While the Pharisees were condemning Jesus because of the reaping that was being done by him and the disciples there is still something in this for us to think about. What is the Sabbath supposed to be for a pastor?
Personally I am greatly blessed when it comes to having a Sabbath time for me to rest. Unlike my friend above I am blessed with one day off each week to replace time in my week for the time that I do not receive on Sundays as those that I minister to receive. So when it comes to that day I turn down any church ministry that I would normally be involved in with my position/responsibilities. I do this so drastically to set a precedent for those that know me and that I minister to, so they know when I am off, and also the example I hope to set for taking a Sabbath. As a pastor it is hard for me to say for someone not to work on Sunday or anything of that sort if I myself do not take that day off, for I then would be the guilty one.
I write these things just as thoughts, mainly because yesterday was my day off and it was glorious. Also as a pastor it is hard to change my habitual thoughts that only Sunday is the Sabbath for me, if that were true than I am knowingly committing sin every time I'm in the pulpit/or in the church on Sunday. To you that are lay people in the church, make sure that your pastor has a day off and that you support him taking this time for his spirit and health. If your church doesn't offer that for your pastor then there is something that should be changed.

Fun in the Midst

2007-08-27T16:25:00.000-04:00

Even though I have been busy I haven't failed to enjoy life and every day that the Lord blesses me with. like fishing at 3am for 20lb Salmon.

Culture

2007-08-27T15:36:00.000-04:00

I know this is a long and age old argument, but something I read today brought it out in me again. For more on that go here

We as Christians especially evangelical Christians, which the majority of Southern Baptists will claim to be a part of, are called to go out into the world as we all know. This story that I linked above is an example of exactly the opposite and exactly what we can never do. I'm not trying to preach a Wesleyan objective or call Baptists evil, and I'm not saying that Private Schools are wrong, heck I went to one for my Bachelors. Do we actually realize what this separation does to our children, and the voice that we do have in the public schools because of our beliefs?
Christians get so enraged about the recent push that Muslims are making in America, logic would tell me that they are going to be starting in the educational institutions to make their impact. Think with me. If we pull our influence out of this world and get into our Holy Huddles and that is it, what happens to the world when we weren't there to hold ground in God's name.
If it was ok for God's only son to walk around in a Hellenistic world with rampant sex and murder and everything that goes against His teachings then it's ok for our children to be hardened in their faith by fire. If it was ok for Wesley to use bar songs and converse with the frequent singers of these songs to build a relationship with them that opened their hearts for the Gospel then it is ok for kids to be in the public schools. If it was ok and life changing for Jonathon Edwards to read every book about current culture and beliefs to better relate to the crowds he preached to it's ok for kids to be in the public schools.
Maybe the problem isn't the teachings of the schools and the subjects that are raised everyday in a child/teens life. The problem starts at home with the exposure that takes place there from conversations with parents, or lack there of, from the time in front of the TV watching "trash" and hearing words that feed the conversations everyday. Maybe it starts with what the parents aren't teaching their offspring about God, the power of His Word, and helping them think critically about life, and culture.

4 months

2007-08-27T15:33:00.000-04:00

So it's been four months since that last post...sorry. I have been urged by others to post on something. Honestly I have been slacking on keeping up with the ever-changing culture of the world, and i'm a little lazy. Until now. So I will do my best to keep up on this and make it a point to either let you know what is going on or what I'm thinking. thanks for the nudge (you know who you are).

Praise the Lord!!!!

2007-04-02T15:22:00.000-04:00

This is the most amazing thing that I have experienced. As you know I am the Outreach pastor here at Brookhaven, part of that is being in charge of the food pantry and being here to speak with and pray with the people as they come in for assistance. Well today a lady came in with a friend for assistance. I had the opportunity to sit with her and speak with her about the Lord.
Well she wasn't pulling any punches she gave it to me straight and started talking about how she didn't understand the Trinity and how three separate beings cam be one in the same...thanks St. Patrick for a great example of the Trinity, and Dr. Bounds for the education. I was able to help her understand this aspect of Christianity and because she opened the door to the Salvation story I ran right through.
Praise be to God for using my words this afternoon, and being faithful. I just 15 minutes ago led this lady through a prayer to accept Jesus into her life and asking Christ to forgive her. How AMAZING IS THAT? PRAISE GOD!!

sweet

2007-02-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

This is definitely what I need at my house...my wife would probably appreciate me doing the laundry more. we'll see about that!!

Tough times

2007-02-20T08:33:00.000-05:00

You will remember that I told you about Stephanie's Grandpa and the pancreatic cancer that they discovered. Well all went really well, and they were able to remove all the cancer from his pancreas and that area. About a week or so after the surgery, the biopsy came back and they now discovered that there is cancer in his Lymph Nodes now, they said it spread through his blood stream, and is now inoperable. This hit us like a ton of bricks when we heard this...the doctor gave him anywhere from 5-10 years with medication and all the therapy, without that 6 months tops. They started the therapy immediately.

Just this last weekend I took some vacation time and went to Detroit to celebrate my grandma's 92 birthday. She is a great little lady, by little I mean 4'8". Before I even got up there I was a little iffy about going up there because there has always been tension between our families, it stems back to my parents early years, because all of our relatives are Catholic and disagree with almost everything we do.

Well this time I go up and during the whole weekend I am fielding these questions about what it's like to be a minister and work at a church. This floored me because I have never seen such interest in anything about this from them. So I went with it and started explaining our beliefs and values to them, telling them what it's all about. One of my Uncles started to pick on me about always wearing a "halo" and was wondering when I would take it off, because they wanted me to drink with them. Eventually he asked how he could get one, that opened the door for me to tell him that he has to meet this guy named Jesus, and ask for forgiveness. "Well how do you do that," he asked me? Right before I got to explain it all to him I was interrupted by a new round of shots for the party... and that was the last of that. So please pray for my Uncle Marty, that he might come into a relationship with our Savior.

Telesale

2007-01-24T09:23:00.000-05:00

So last night I had the great opportunity to be a part of the Phone Bank in the Telesale @ IWU. This was quite enjoyable because I was sitting around lots of people that I knew from either church or school, but the best thing about it was the times when we were off camera throwing wads of paper at each other and especially at the people that were on camera.

Either way it was a whole lot of fun getting to take calls from people bidding on some neat items. The best part was that we didn't have to call them to try and get them to bid on stuff. If that was the case I would have likely done a whole lot more paper throwing than anything else.

New Look

2007-01-23T10:28:00.000-05:00

So now I've got a new look, nothing amazing but hey it's new... and of course it's original just like everyone else's just like it.

Lately things have been crazy for me and Steph. We had the opportunity to go down the The Gathering 07' in Orlando, FL. That was such a sacrifice. We made the decision a while before that we would be driving down and switched cars with my mom, because we also decided that we wanted to make it to Orlando. the fun part of all this was that two days after we got back the semester started for Steph. Needless to say we have been non-stop since then with her crazy schedule and mine too. The weekends have become a very welcome safe haven for us.

Lately though the Lord has truly blessed us and given us the strength and patience that we need in life. Here at Brookhaven the Holy Spirit has been so evident lately, that we all feel that God is trying desperately to move through us in new ways. I thank everyone for the prayers and friendship that has been offered up to us in the past few months.

I love my job!!!

2006-12-22T10:26:00.000-05:00

This week has been an amazing one. Earlier we heard of a need for a family that is housing a young lady and her two children. Sunday we had a gentleman that knew about this and brought in a coupon for a 16 pound turkey, another family gave fifty dollars to by groceries and gifts, and yet another family gave Christmas gifts for the the children. It is an amazing thing to see people in the church rally together like this to help another human out, and this isn't the first time that this happened. I was just so excited about this that I had to say something and Praise the Lord for sending the Holy Spirit to guide these families that gave.

after a year

2006-12-18T08:42:00.000-05:00

So it has been a whole year for Stephanie and I, married on December 17th 2005. We never thought a whole year could go by this quickly, and have so much happen in that year. So far in our events, I have graduated, got my first pastoral appointment, bought a house, had two pregnancy scares, and lots of other great stuff.

Yesterday was our anniversary and it was a great weekend on top of that, we had Steph's family down to stay with us so that we could have Christmas with her brother and his wife. We didn't really get to do anything but it was more than worth it, because when the family was down here we found something out about Stephanie's grandpa. The doctors think that he has pancreatic cancer, but it isn't a 100% diagnosis, we have to wait until Wednesday, so any prayers that are lifted for our family would be more than welcome.

On top of that I was the on-call chaplain again at the hospital this week and was called on Sunday morning right before service. Later that day, the same day we heard about Grandpa, the family took this man off the respirator...a very hard thing to see and with everything going on still be able to comfort this family in the time of their pain and distress. I was seeing two worlds this day, the first where the family is firmly rooted in Christ and the Lord's Word, second was a family that had no inkling to what faith was. One with Hope of a better reunion, and one with Hell in their life. It was very difficult for me to keep my composure in the midst of all this.

That evening I saw this verse in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

This is my verse of the week, praise be to Jesus because of this comfort.

3 whole months

2006-12-13T10:43:00.000-05:00

So it's been nearly three whole months since my last post on here. I really don't know what I want this blog to be, whether it be a place to just write out my thoughts, info for my friends and family to keep up with us, or whatever else there could be on here. so if there are still people reading this I would like some suggestions as to what you would like to see on here, and yes Stevan I know I have had many bloggable moments in my life, thank you very much. Thanks for the patience everyone.

Crazy Day!!!!

2006-09-25T13:24:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was Sunday, normally an average okay day that doesn't cause any stress or pressure. This wasn't any normal Sunday here in Marion. First it was Round Up Sunday here at Brookhaven where we all get the opportunity to dress up like cowboys/girls and hoot and holler and all that good stuff. Next was that I am teaching a Sunday School Class for this quarter on the Book of Exodus. The last thing that could have possibly been going on this Sunday was that I was on-call as the chaplain for the hospital.

With all that said and out of the way, the day flew by and was crazier than I could have thought it to possbily be. As I woke up and was getting ready to come to the church, I turned my phone on and found I had a message from the Hospital. The message plainly stated that they needed me to come in and sit with a family who lost their child just that morning. Almost instantly I called in to make sure they still needed me before I drove 25 minutes to the Hospital, and got the statement that the child was one of the twins this mother gave birth to, a month ago to the day, just died about an hour ago, and that I was still needed. So in my haste I continued to get ready, eat and brush my teeth all in about 5-6 minutes. As I was speeding on my way to the Hospital, after kissing my wife good-bye and asking her to take care of Sunday School which I would surely miss, I called two friends, my mom, and the Senior Pastor to ask for prayer and give a heads up. I truly did not know what I was doing, going to the hospital to comfort this family.

When I got to the ER I was shown to the family and introduced, the first thing I see is the mom sobbing and leaning and clutching what looked to be the blanket of her baby, but when I walked around to look at her face to face I saw the cold, pale white body of her baby in that blanket with her mom's tears dripping on her lifeless body. I was take back a little bit at first and realized all the people praying for me, and so I then prayed for this family and comforted them as I cried with them. These were the only words that I spoke, all in prayer. I left 25 minutes later.

After the fast start to my morning the day was hectic, I returned to the church to find my wife teaching my Sunday School class and doing a great job. From then on the Lord truly blessed me and watched after me keeping his hands on me ever through the rest of the day.

What I saw

2006-09-21T18:30:00.000-04:00

When I see my great friend standing on the edge of that cliff, I see a beautiful creation right at our fingertips, something that only our human eyes can appreciate. I along with that see the freedom of summer, and times with friends that I will never forget, the smells, sights, talks at 3am driving 80 on the highway after 3 double shot espressos.

These are just some of the things that I see when I look at those pictures from my big summer trip. I realize that not everyone could see that in the picture, but the biggest thing I saw was the freedom of God's creation especially when we live within his will.

interesting link/blog

2006-09-20T15:21:00.000-04:00

So I was doing my daily reading on Christianity Today's website and came across this blog. this made me raise an eyebrow and then clap for the reason of what this man had to say about our view of Holiness. Have an open mind as you read this and I will let you know what I saw in the picture tomorrow.

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2006/09/eat_drink_and_b.html

What do YOU see?

2006-09-20T10:36:00.000-04:00

P6290033
Originally uploaded by philard.

Pastoring...as if I know what I'm doing

2006-08-25T12:34:00.000-04:00

It has been a while like usual, my life has actually gotten busy and interesting all at the same time with my new job and the home that we have bought. I am truly enjoying this position here at Brookhaven, the people are so supportive and loving and have become like family already. The thought that I was hired to spread my passion and concern for people through outreach is definitely an exciting aspect of this job because that is right where my heart is with God.

On the other hand it is very intimidating and Satan is constantly at work in my life I feel him daily trying to discourage me and work his way in to my life and make me worthless like only he is. Prayers are in order for Stephanie and I as we endeavor to reach to people in our lives, family and neighbors. After being married for a short 8 months and looking back at everything I realize how much support my wife has given me and blessed me in her walk with Christ. I thank the Lord for placing her in my life, and bringing us together.

Although our lives are crazy at times and our schedules will fill up we have stayed strong and true to each other and the Lord has blessed us for our Faithfulness. In my life it is tough to see myself as a pastor so soon out of college because I am still a little immature (no comments from you mom) but maybe my immaturity is why I am a pastor and what God can use to change hearts and perceptions of Pastors. So what I am trying to say is my lack of maturity is good, Time to go blow something up.

Brookhaven

2006-07-25T10:44:00.001-04:00

So I just got harassed by an old friend because I haven't blogged in a while. Well, I really don't have an excuse except for that I actually have a real job now not a job at Tree of Life, but at Brookhaven Wesleyan in Marion, IN. I hold the position of Minister of Outreach. It is a great position when I am able to concentrate on different ways to reach people and serve them all to show the love that Christ has shared with us.

I don't really know why I haven't blogged all that much lately maybe it is because I am kind of boring and don't have crazy things going on all of the time in my life. Although that isn't completely true, that is mainly why I haven't been posting religiously. Anyway the two real exciting things going on in my life are 1) Stephanie and I are buying a house in Gas City, IN...and 2) I am going on another trip to the Gulf Coast to help with Hurricane relief down there, this probably comes to no surprise to most of my friends, but I really believe that it is my calling to help others as much as possible at my own risk all to share Jesus with them. I appreciate your prayers. Take care everyone.

Brookhaven

2006-07-25T10:44:00.000-04:00

busyness

2006-06-13T14:04:00.000-04:00

So as of late our life as a married couple has been fun and tiring. Some of the greatest news that we have heard is both for us and our close friends. As you could gather from their website (web.mac.com/bowlins) our friends the bowlins have bought tickets to take a 2 week trip to New Zealand to make connections and find a home and prepare for the complete move which will take place shortly. That was a very exciting thing for us to hear about their life as missionaries and encourages Stephanie and I as we continue on our way toward the Mission field of Haiti.

The good news for us is one of more local importance. Stephanie and I have been asked to attend a meeting next monday with the Board of Directors at Brookhaven Wesleyan. This is a huge step for both of us with the possibility of it being my first church job and the same for Stephanie too. Your continued prayers are welcome as we try to follow God's will and his design for our ministry here in America. All of this has been keeping us very busy along with staying up late with friends playing board games and drinking way too much coffee. Along with that this Saturday Stephanie and I will have been married for 6 months, wow did that go by really quick, but boy oh boy is it great. Mainly because Stephanie is such a hot nurse.

Been a Long Time...

2006-06-10T13:17:00.000-04:00

So I haven't posted in months...feels like forever. I figured I would start with some news that I just read about, through a very interesting article.

There is a new video game coming out in a very few days. The game is based off of the Left Behind series but the thing is that the game has one in particular person a little outraged about the premise of the game and how you win. I will leave you with a link to his article and tell you to continue to look for posts from me hopefully on a more frequent time frame.

Just copy and paste this into your browser and enjoy an over the top review of this game.

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2006/06/07/notes060706.DTL

Freedom

2006-03-23T09:14:00.000-05:00

tired?
Originally uploaded by philard.

I long to not be here. Rather to be among friends, those that I grew to love in just one years time. My friends whom I miss, the staff of THC. These people changed my life and impacted me in ways that I don't even know. Today I was looking through my pictures that I have from the summer. The most of which are all with Tim and Matt out west and in a tiny little car. That freedom of care while still being in the presence of God, away from the legalism of this world. The beauty of my friends is their Chrisitianity, it is such that I love to be with them and learn from them and talk with them of how they are learning about God and where they are growing. More importantly how they have been forced to have faith in God in the midst of all the craziness that is going on in our lives as we grow up and peers are forcing us to make decisions.

My friends are great. I miss them, I miss our weekly meetings with our boss who was more of a friend and just as cynical and crazy as we are. We are a brotherhood of friends that we will never lose that connection. Possibly it is the bond that we had in Christ and through the Holy Spirits power that will keep us closer than we will ever know. One of us may change but our connection is still there. We are one in the Spirit and we are stronger even more in Him when we are together and pulling for each other. I miss all those times and the crazy trips, jokes and stories.

Long time coming

2006-03-01T21:05:00.000-05:00

So it's been over three months and a whole lot has gon by in my life, I have a new roomie, a new call on life, nearly 25 grand to pay back in loans in the next 8 months and a brand new Apple ibook. Where to start?

The wedding everything was amazing, I could have cared less of course what people thought because well I was getting married and their opinion most definitely didn't matter in this subject at all. It all took place without any problems and was great fun for my youth pastor to make fun of me while he was supposed to helping me get married, but oh well.

this new call I speak of will be leading both my wife and I into the heart of missions as we know it. Our call is to Haiti, where if you watch the news (sorry Kara) there are lots of issues that are all taking place at one time in that country. We are currently going through the application process through Global Partners a Wesleyan missions org. they have a hospital down there which will be great or my wife considering she is the hottest nurse around. I will e taking on some form of church ministry while I'm down there and it will not be easy but i would rather be there than in any class I'm currently taking.

Well the loans that is just college at IWU for ya.

Ah, my new computer is glorious, it is about half the size and weight of my previous brick I used to lug around campus and every other place I would go, and i tell you what I love it. much nicer than my Dell.

At this point and time this is all of the major new stuff going on and i tell you what it can be overwhelming, but one thing i do ask is for prayers for us during lent and also our future ministry. Write that on your cards Tim!!

My Precious

2005-11-18T10:58:00.000-05:00

So here is my ring the ring I recently got yelled at about sneaking off with to show my friends, and in particular one friend I haven't seen in about 3 months, enough with that here ya go.

Lost (not the show)

2005-11-15T11:10:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted forever, for those of you who care.

Lately I have felt lost, not just in school work or work at Tree of Life. This is a deeper thing right now that I can't really explain. A feeling that as I am going through each day that I am missing something about that day, or about how my life was supposed to go that day. My soul is tired from this, I don't understand what this is or what to do with it. It goes deeper than my relationship with Stephanie and other people, even deeper than how I spend my time. Through the past two week all of these things have changed and the ones that are worthless in the future have lost priority in my schedule. Yet, my life still feels Lost. I am ready for the continuation of my life the future wedding that is to take place in 32 days, and the graduation that will be following that. I don't want to be here anymore I want to be with Christ in Glory and be able to ask what ever I want of Him and at the same time not have to worry about whether i can ask that or not. I feel Lost in the midst of the church, a church of fellow believers that seem so wise and knowledgable of things that I could only wish to have a speck of that knowledge. Does all of our motions really matter? My life is lost in my education with the onslaught of knowledge and information about life and history mixed with Theology, it can only lead to a decrease in Faith/Hope, all because with that little stupid degree that I will get in five months I will have been taught to use theology to answer questions or to use the history of the church to explain God. I don't like this and this is where I am Lost, in the midst of skeptics and cynics trying to keep their Faith in Christ.

Glory

2005-10-18T10:03:00.000-05:00

Today I had the amazing chance to see the Sunrise as I do every Tuesday & Thursday even most Saturdays. This morning in particular it dawned on me (no pun intended) that every time I get a chance to see the sun rise in the cool of the morning I get to see a glimpse of Glory, in every sense of the word. It isn't just the beauty of all the colors in the sky but rather the fresh light and smell of the moment when that great orange ball passes the horizon to warm my day. The Glory I speak of is more than all that it is a Glory straight from God, straight from His fingertips that blesses me each and every morning I fall out of bed. The sun/Son is the revealer and I gladly allow myself to be emblazened in His Glory.

I got to preach!!!!

2005-10-09T20:20:00.000-05:00

Just today not even two hours ago I had a chance to preach at my practicum church in downtown Marion, IN. This is only the 3rd time that I have had the chance to actually preach the word of God, and be asked to do it even. Anyway it was a great blessing to share my heart in this area of my life and share it through the Word. I spoke on John 15 and felt really good about the things that were coming out of my mouth and then after I got done my body just proceeded to shut down and get extremely tired, it feels good and it sucks because I need to study...so goodbye.

2005-10-05T10:21:00.000-05:00

This is my senior year. I am ultimately called to be a career missionary, along with my beautiful wife. I have one problem with this. Along with my Intercultural Studies degree I am getting a degree in Christian Ministries. For this particular degree I am required to take a course in Church Leadership, given by a professor from the graduate program.

I have one major problem with this course. Especially knowing that I am going to be a missionary. Throughout this class we learn what we should watch for as a church is growing and the people are becoming more knowledgable and trying ot make ministries in the church stronger, while watching we have to keep people in line. Then we are required to look at all of these models of church minstry and even take a field trip to a church in Indy to observe the ministry and gather ideas about church leadership from this. The problem is all of this concentration on Church Leadership deals with America and American culture. I can't go to a different country throwing out ideas that work over here when I won't be over here.

The interesting part was when I brought this up with the professor in class. The answer that I received was "Sift Culture." No explanation at all from him, but that one phrase. If I knew what he meant it might help but once again I also realize that I can't always do as an instructor says especially if he doesn't understand that other cultures don't run like ours so we might not be able to "Sift" another culture. So I have to deal with this class and try to find something out of everything that is getting thrown at us, and figure out how I can take a principle from that to possibly use it elsewhere, outside the U.S.

Life as we know it.

2005-09-30T14:24:00.000-05:00

Recently I was watching the news because this is my daily habit out of wanting to know what is happening across the globe. This time I was watching the local news out of Indy, on my glorious bunny ears. The last story of the show was sombering and raised a few questions in my mind that really caused me to things about my values. The only other time that I have thought so much about this was on the way back from the Grand Canyon with my great friend Tim Founds.

here is the story. There is a man on death row and now has been executed and pronounced dead. On the eve and the whole day leading up to his death there were multiple religious groups protesting the sentencing against this man. (In my mind his crime is irrelevant because he is still human.) This execution now that it went through was the 5th just this year. That is the most in the state of Indiana since 1938, WOW.

I don't think that the world is a worse place now than it was back then rather it is very similar, people are just more keen on everything that is going on and the bad is exemplified more than the good. As of yet I haven't found an answer to the way that I felt when I heard this or what I am to do with it. I am not one to support the death sentence or to openly speak against it, but this really bothered me. Take this and mull it over in your mind, find out how you should answer this, it is an issue and to not try to answer current issues of the world as Christians is hardly holding up to being a World Christian.

Grand Canyon pictures

2005-09-20T13:45:00.000-05:00

Well I finally got all of the pictures onto my flickr account, at least all of the pictures that I wanted to put on there. so here is the link to go and have a gander at the amazing pictures that Tim and Matt took and the ones that I tried to take. http://www.flickr.com/photos/philard/sets/954175/

enjoy!

America's Tsunami

2005-09-02T11:08:00.000-05:00

Just a few days ago I heard an interview with a survivor of the Hurricane from Mississippi. The only thing that I absolutely remember from that interview was the words of that survivor saying that this was America's Tsunami. One reason that has stuck with me so much is because I was part of the relief as were many people that will read this, granted we were all involved in one way or another and we were changed all of us.

Now this.

What to do? Our lives have changed because of this faster than they did when the Tsunami happened in December. We all felt that and we all feel this more than we ever would have wanted too. Now with stories of looting, riots, and general mayhem down in Louisiana and the surrounding areas we are called to help, in any way that we can no matter what we fear or anything, we MUST suck it up and help the people in our own nation just like we tried to of the many nations devastated by the Tsunami. All of those pictures that you see on the TV of the destruction that took place, that is exactly what I saw on my trip to Sri Lanka in March, take that to heart and remember how those countries are still being effected by that.

I have just today recieved an email from the World Impact office here on IWU's campus, asking that I would pray about leading a trip and would greatly consider it. The thought had already crossed my mind that a trip or two must go from this school to that area down there. Please pray for the guidance that I will need to make this decision and if necessary that skill to lead a trip to that area. This greatly excites me because I love to help people as much as possible and in any way, no matter the danger that could possibly come to me it is worth my blood and harm to take a chance and show a person the love of Christ and let them know that there is a Hope that is out there to lead them through the hardest time they may ever have in their life.

I want to move to Japan!!

2005-08-30T12:35:00.000-05:00

Yes I really do. Not for any spiritual reasons or anything really like that, which there most definitely should be. But rather I would love to move there so that I could buy my own Robot that knows 10,000 words and can house-sit. How sweet is that.

look at this thing.

Who I feel like?

2005-08-25T11:16:00.001-05:00

Who do I feel like sometimes? I don't really know always to say the truth it all depends on the amount of sleep I have gotten. But anyway now that I am living on my own down here in Marion trying to be an adult in kids body, or something like that, I don't always know what exactly to say that I am, other than a Christian. I am engaged which is awesome and only have 114 days left. I am now living on my own without a job wondering when I will get one so I don't have to sit on my butt all day after going around all morning looking for a job. I trust the Lord with everything that I am doing realizing that He has led me through much worse than this and helped me to see the purpose in some crazy events in my life. This time that I have to sit back and relax and take my time to do almost everything is a very interesting feeling to me. Not having a job is just that relaxing, eyeopening and boring all at the same time, mainly because me being who I am hates to sit around on my butt not doing anything, unless I'm watching a movie. So this time has made me realize even more who God is making me to be and already has in some areas of my life, making me also realize that He has the perfect job for me and the perfect timing to give it to me so there is no reason at all for me to get worked up, which is what I absolutley LOVE about God.

Isn't anger so weird

2005-08-08T17:08:00.000-05:00

So recently as in last night I got into an argument with my mom, and didn't control my voice and felt I should show my anger. Yup I'm an adult now, can't ya tell. Anyway I find it so weird that I felt good holding onto that anger even though I knew that it would eat from the inside out. I really didn't care, I had reverted back to High school again. I continued to hold it in and hold it in not really caring at the moment how she felt. Then 10:45 pm rolls around and mom gets home from a trip to the relatives up north, and wakes me up in the doing. I just roll over and want to sleep but to my suprise the words how was the trip come out of my mouth, my mind says you idiot you could have been off scott free. Nope we talked and I got to hear about my relatives and all the things going on, and it eventually ended in both of us saying that we were sorry and forgiving each other.

It is still strange that I wanted so much to hold on to that anger and just let the problem possibly go away on it's own. It is that stupid sin nature thing inside me that wanted it and I fed it with every passing second of the night. I didn't like being mad because I knew it was stupid and at the same time I knew it was wrong but still liked it in a way, because it almost felt like I had the upper hand in the relationship with my mother and I. I'm telling all 5 people that probably read this that they need to not do what I did, anger isn't wrong it is wrong when we use it unwisely, or let it use us. I forgive my mom and ask her forgiveness once again because I still feel like a complete idiot for all of that. It seems to not matter all the knowledge that I have in my long 21 year life especially about this and yet I still make a complete idiot, bafoon and moron of myself. Thanks to the Holy Spirit for showing me what to work on, I wish I could have learned it in a different way.

THE RAPTURE

2005-07-30T07:09:00.000-05:00

Well this weekend I'm up in beautifull Holland, Michigan visiting my gorgeous future wife. Today I just had the great chance to drive her to work as we watched the sunrise on the way there, it was absolutely amazing, oh and did I mention that she looks amazing in her nursing scrubs. Well enough of my mushy love for her. After I dropped her off and made the ladies there jealous of her getting dropped of by her loved one, I headed for Wal-Mart earlier than I think I ever had before. The reason to help out my father-in-law and get them some toothpaste that was forgotten at the store yesterday. Gladly I said, not being one to refuse serving a person (and the fact that it is good brownie points)! Kidding.

Anyway at Wally World I walk in sporting my bed-head still and as I was wandering down to the toothpaste I notice a box that was strategically placed with big letters on the front. RAPTURE. What they don't think they can sell the rapture do they?! It had other words on the front describing what the rapture really was along with the amazing and eye catching title. Turns out some genius once again is trying to make money off of the Bible with the idea that it will teach a persons children what the Bible says about the Rapture. It is a board game/puzzle. WOW I said and then I laughed at the thought of how many people today will likely walk by and actually buy it and thank Wal-Mart for this way of telling their kids about the Rapture, instead of actually just learning about it themselves and then maybe trying to talk with their kids about the interesting and controversial topic. Oh well that is just me I hope everybody enjoys buying their one way ticket to learning about the Rapture. HA. I wonder if you could really buy the Rapture for yourself. I will have to look into it.

kidding.

One life...

2005-07-27T21:41:00.000-05:00

What is one life worth? I know how I feel I want to know your thoughts. What is ONE person's life worth to you? Anyones

Here's a Twofer

2005-07-19T20:41:00.000-05:00

This one is for you Stevan. Last night at a hilarious meeting with some great guys and warm chips w/salsa, a crazy thought was raised by the Youth Pastor in the group. It was a theological question which grabbed my ear immediately. Here we go.

Why did God create Angels with a free will and why did God being all knowing allow Lucifer to go through with his plans because He (God that is) knew what was going on. Then if that is true what did the Angels think there was in Hell for them, but the Hell was created once they revolted. That was the end of that thought.

Next: How many Angels are in a 3rd of the Angels that were cast down. Then I came up with a real wise thought. How many Angels are there actually mentioned by name in the Bible. Well Michael, Gabriel and Lucifer, Stevan said. So that would make Lucifer one third of the Angels, right? I'm sure I would be in trouble with my Theology Prof right now.

Softball is a blast

2005-07-19T20:28:00.000-05:00

Amidst all of the losses and mercy losses, we have one our fourth game of this summer Chruch softball season. My shoulder is sore and I know it was worth what I accomplished in making it sore, oh well. So this week it is already tuesday and I have started helping my mom move things into her new apartment. Lately I have been so busy and ridiculously tired from getting over a cold contracted from my great friend Tim as I went on the best trip I have been on in a long while. None the less things are getting better and better I am in an accountability group, but I now hate going to weddings and seeing Stephanie all dressed up and looking gorgeous as ever and not actually being there marrying her, 5 months left I pray for the time to fly.

Grand Canyon and Zion

2005-07-13T16:30:00.000-05:00

Well this was one of the most amazing trips that I have taken and I loved it by far the most spur of the moment thing I did, and it was more worth it than the majority of the things I did. I had to deal with the crazy drive for 30 hours all the way there in a car that I didn't think I would fit in, got a chance to scare Tim with a Semi being hauled backwards. At the Canyon I was the first to even get close to a fair amount of sleep, 8 hours would have been nice. Zion was probably the most amazing thing I have seen in a few years, even if I did hike up 1400 feet at 1130pm it was a feeling almost like I was invincible. Try and figure out what picture it is and you will understand. Here is the link to my flickr site where I have more pictures up. http://www.flickr.com/photos/philard/

Over all the trip we had some great laughs awesome music thanks to the sweet soundtrack brought out by Tim. It was great to see some awesome guys and one great friend who gets to work in Zion National Park. The two awesome guys that I had a chance to travel with are also more than worth having in my wedding. Check out the pictures at Flickr. Live on THC

A whole week spent away, NOT ENOUGH!!!

2005-07-02T19:00:00.000-05:00

So this last week I had the extreme pleasure of going to the Grand Canyon and Mt. Zion National Park with two of my great friends, and crazy night hiking commrades. The trip went way too quick and was so much fun that I can't completely describe how it felt to go back and see even more of God's beauty. I wanted to stay there for a month or so maybe even the summer like the lucky Juli Neff. Oh well keep your eyes peeled for my pictures coming soon. Holla

BLIND MAN DRIVING?!!

2005-06-21T17:15:00.000-05:00

This is one thing I thought I would never see. Driving home from work today I see a van that has these words printed on the back. "CAUTION you are behind a Blind Man." First thing that comes to my mind is how in the world is this guy on the road let alone sitting in the drivers seat. Then I think well I have heard of some crazy technology but I didn't think it was going to be in an old crappy van like this one. After the turn onto the highway behind this man I got ahead of him as fast as I could. While passing him I see this printed on the side window. Burt's Drapes, by the "BLIND" Man. I was laughing harder than I had in a while it was by far a very clever idea and people will remember that guy, and how many times people looked twice or had a small heart attack when they pulled up behind his van. Either way I made it home safe.

My Life

2005-06-16T16:13:00.000-05:00

Well my life has been pretty simple lately. Except for recently my gorgeous future wife came down and stayed here in Warsaw for a few days. While here she was amazing to me, more than anyone should ever be. None the less it was awesome to see here and just be able to be around her for a few days. Now she is back home and I'm back to the drudge of 8 hours a day in a factory without the excitement of bgetting to see her when I get back from work. If you haven't caught on I miss her and love her, she is amazing to me and I appreciate it more than she knows.

Next big thing going on with me is I get to see her in two weeks, and then I have the joy of going to the Grand Canyon, sweet!!!

Solitude and Silence...But WHY?

2005-06-08T21:08:00.000-05:00

Just got back from youth tonight at Warsaw Wesleyan. We watched this extremely thought provoking video by Rob Bell titled "Noise". It talked about our life being engulfed with noise and distractions ranging from our technology to even a book(visual noise).

Now I realize even more how important it for me to have my times of Solitude. It was once said to me that meditation on Scripture is to hear God's heart and then Solitude is for us to feel the heart of God. If in my time of Solitude, that is minimal, (but yet more than what I have done in the past) I can better feel the heart of God which is what I desire, and what most Christians should desire, why don't I do it more. It is absolutely critical for me to find the heart of God in my life, and why not, He is the One that leads me in the ways I should god, "The Lord is my Shepard...He leads ME...need I say more.

So basically this is a challenge to both me and any other person that reads this, schedule a time in your day, heck substitute it for your devos, and spend 30-60 minutes just thinking about God not praying not doing a thing, the idea is to let God just speak to you like he did Elijah, in the sience. No excuses just do it, every single person that reads this and wants to do it post a comment let me know, I don't care who you are from Steph to Jmak. There it is I'm in on it are you. It should be our desire to hear from God, that is why we read His Word, no reason for an excuse except you are weak, and I have been in the past.

God and Star Wars!!

2005-05-30T14:14:00.000-05:00

I'm back from New Zealand, it was an amazing trip, and I had a realization of my call to ministry. Aside from that I recently had the chance to watch a movie I had been looking forward to ever since I knew when it would come out, right when I was half way around the globe. Either way I got to see Episode 3.
A little history on this is that I have grown up watching Star Wars, reading the books and now dragging my fiance into it all. Basically I know the whole history of these movies. So seeing Episode 3 (a prequal to episodes 4-6) I knew exactly where it was going with the characters. I saw this movie with my fiance greatly appreciating here willingness to watch it with me. Somewhere between the middle and the end of the movie the main character makes decisions that I know will lead hime down a path of pain and suffering, turning him to the "Dark Side" becoming known as Darth Vader. Seeing the things that took place caused me some pain because of the darkness of the movie and my knowledge of what happens later on.
This movie really impacted me in one large way. I sat there seeing Anakin Skywalker making horrible decisions and turning to the dark side of the force. It then hit me that I know exactly what he is turning into and where he was going, I realized that I was seeing this movie how God sees mankind. I then pictured God sitting watching over us and knowing every consequence and trying to spur us on to make the right decisions too keep us from harm and Hell. That line of thought completely changed the love I have for these movies, especially this one. I hope that anyone who reads this will see this movie.

New Zealand!!

2005-05-07T12:34:00.000-05:00

In less than two days I will leave to go on my second missions trip outside of the US. I won't be able to blog for quite a while, at least until June. I am asking for everyones prayers for the whole team's safety and our openess to the work of Christ as we are over there. Pray for me that I will do my best and be open to the Spirit as I preach my first sermon in a church ever, and it's overseas. That is so awesome and yet nerve racking too. I would appreciate that from everyone and I will fill you in on things when I get back. have a great month of May.

Lose your life

2005-05-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

A struggle that has been on going ever since I have meet and realized I was to marry Steph, is my intense sense of defending her. I am called to missions, and not just ordinary missions. In the time that I was called within the next few days of prayer searching for where I am headed, I had an overwhelming sense that I will die on the mission field. That is great, for me I would rather die for Christ and spread his name through my blood than constantly fighting and possibly pushing people away by my words. The problem is I am to be married and she will be on the field with me. If at any time while we are in the field and someone attacks her or my future children, I would at this time in my life utterly destroy that person(s).
Is that right or Christlike? Would Christ have fought off, physically, a person that attacked his mother or friends? If I do defend my family am I slowing the work of the Lord, and am I going against the Love that I will be preaching/teaching?
I deal with that thought every day and I am now giving that up to Christ to take from me. I share this with more than a few people for the first time and am doing so to be honest and to keep Christ's work in my life and on my mind.

Guys & Sports

2005-05-03T23:30:00.000-05:00

Competition. A wonderful and complex aspect of a man's life. Why do we feel like we have to beat a person. The fact that guys have some desire in their hearts to either have control over something or to show dominance in some way. It may be in a way of sheer strength or by completely destroying something by persistence. Either way men feel like in our hearts that it matters to others and especially our own self that we look good at everything we attempt. An example is tonight I got an awesome chance to go and play church league softball. Upon arrival with my bud Stevan I was told that I would switch from bench to field so they could see where to put me. Deep inside the male heart that I have I hear the words prove yourself to us that you can actually do anything to help us win or look better. I get psyched up in my head and get serious about warming up to show my so called dedication to this. To top it after warming up I'm told just remember "we are here to just have fun," I politely said yeah sure thing, somewhat sarcastically, knowing they want to destroy this team of fellow Christians as much as I do. It would show our male dominance and usefullness to the great sport of Church Softball.
There are deeper issues here though. It is quite possibly that I'm not that secure in who I am that I feel the need to prove myself to others, especially after just meeting them. It is sad that any man feels that and disappointing that the person we are should come from the relationship we have in Christ and be reassured through the Body of Christ(those fellow believers I desired to leave in my wake). The defects caused by the fall, we have a Hope.

The church and my mind

2005-05-03T23:15:00.000-05:00

Recently I was required to meet with some of the wisest and God fearing people in my church district. In the midst of all this I filled out the forms by their request to give them an idea of where I was coming from and going in my life. To shorten the story I had some issues with them and the way they were requiring that I search out someone to mentor/disciple me, but during this time they are not involved in my life at all (lacking to do the things with me that they want me to do). I told them exactly that and even some other issues, like clarifying the stance on alcohol. The meeting was interesting and to top that my beautiful fiance was sitting right next to me feeling the tension.
The meeting went extremely well and I received some great advice and explanations to the things that I presented to them. This was by far the best of the meetings that I have gone to and hope it continues in this way. These people are respected highly by me and many others. Their advice sticks with me like I want it to.

Sleep, I don't know it.

2005-05-03T02:51:00.000-05:00

Lately life has been different. I'm not required to get up and go to class or to even worry about assignments on the weekends. That is glorious. What is keeping me awake? Is it my longing to be in the safeness of my friends, those people that I cherish most (outside of with Steph), those people that I have shared my heart with, cried with, flown for 25 hours with. Maybe it is the fact that I don't like the feelings of emptiness that I have right now and I know that if I close my eyes I will see those friends that I miss laughing and carrying on with. They my friends that I would die for, the people that will always be on my mind. I may have only spent one year with these great people but in that time we have grown closer than many of us expected or maybe wanted. Some of us don't like change and would rather that we are all still in the same area to continue on with more together, I feel that.
Some things had to change, people will grow and gain other friends, but I have never felt about any group of people the way I have this past year. To let go of this bond that we have built up would be stupid and selfish. I long to see my close friends again and "butt bomb" the ever unexpecting person. I don't want to sleep for an almost eerie feeling that the memories will fade or I may start to ignore them when it is all the more healthy for me to speak of them. To use some scripture Proverbs 18:24, we are some of those friends that will stick closer than any of our relatives. Now I must try to sleep and find some comfort in the fact that my friends are feeling the way I have after this past year, and especially this week. Live on THC.

It Starts here!!!

2005-05-02T03:05:00.000-05:00

Well, me of all people never wanted to do this, but look at me know. So much for my yes meaning yes and no meaning no. I am starting this to share thoughts and do my best to keep in touch with some of my greatest friends. In the midst of all this I am looking forward to see how my crazy mind will work and spit words/ideas out on to this site. Hope to keep up with everyone that reads this and that I don't offend too many people in the long run.